Hey there. I'm Michael's partner, soon to be wife, and lover of nearly 7 straight years. My name is Britt. Michael and I are set to be married in less than 5 months. I write a blog about our wedding planning journey called The Bowie Bride, in case you wanna get a load of that crazy shizzzzz.
Anyway, Mike and I have spent 6 years of our entire relationship together living with ADD, un-diagnosed. I say "we" because ADD isn't something that *solely* affects my partner. True, he's the one who has been officially diagnosed with ADD. But in turn, this diagnosis has greatly affected me, and our relationship together as a whole.
I spent years and years of our relationship constantly wondering (and fighting about) why he couldn't focus on goals, or pay attention to conversations,or get motivated, or go out of his way to make the love of his life feel special... you know, the things that tend to come naturally when in a relationship with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with...
But for a person living with ADD, there are a whole new set of challenges presented to that individual - especially in an adult romantic relationship - and especially when in a relationship as serious as ours has always been. Mike and I started dated when we were merely 20 years old. It's amazing to me that our love has stayed this strong throughout the years... for many reasons... but mostly because of his ADD all these years. But I knew from the very beginning that I loved Mike to the core of his very being. That no matter what, I would stand by him, and support him, even if that meant making sacrifices on my part to not just accommodate his behaviors, but to help him work through and better his behaviors associated with ADD.
TO BE HIS PARTNER THROUGH IT ALL. TO HELP HIM OVERCOME. NO MATTER WHAT.
I have spent countless hours trying to get him to be a planner with dates, and to be a go getter with his career, and to overall be a planner and not just a follower, but everything I would try, would fail. No matter how much I encouraged him, or how many To-do lists I would make him. No matter what kind of positive reinforcement was behind him, he just couldn't break free from his Attention Deficit Disorder - even if the motivation to be extraordinary was always in his heart...
And, guys. Let's get one thing straight. Mike is SMART. Like yo-balls intelligent. But "smart" has absolutely nothing to do with ADD. Mike was a national merit scholar, a championship debater, got a full ride scholarship to college, completed a double Masters, and graduated with Honors. But just because he's intelligent and managed to accomplish all these amazing things, doesn't mean he hasn't had a hard road. He was able to accomplish all of these things, even WITH Attention Deficit Disorder. It is a whole different animal, folks. He was only able to do so well in those classes because he was naturally smart - and NOT because he was naturally an avid studier, or an avid participant in class discussions.
It wasn't until Steve gave Mike a bottle of his Adderall, that Mike finally woke the fuck up. Sorry, Mike, but it's true.
Mike, you didn't take that Adderall until Steve encouraged you to. And you knew in the back of your mind that was what you needed. But, I understand. People get help when they're ready. I can't deny that. And to be fair, I probably knew in the back of my mind as well that you should have been medicated for ADD a LOOOOOONG time ago. But, as many do, we get caught up in the day-to-day, and lose focus on the long-term.
So, Steve, I thank you. Because even though it's early, and my Michael has only been on Adderall for two months, we've noticed SIGNIFICANT changes. LIFE changes, in fact... In the classroom when he's teaching, at home with me, in his pursuit of long term goals - we've definitely noticed a change... sure, it's a change that's still in progress... but at least we're making the steps to get there.
Steve's wife Lollibird and I have talked in depth about our experience with living with a partner diagnosed with ADD. And it wasn't until we were able to relate to each other, that we were able to begin to understand the weight of our partner's afflictions. And sure, we may not be completely there in our understanding of what ADD truly is at its core, and how it's most-effectively treated, but we're taking steps in the right direction. Together. The four of us. And it feels good.
If you or your partner have been affected by this disorder, or think you or your partner may have it, I urge you to share your story here. 'Cause it wasn't until Lollibird and I opened up the discussion, that we were able to help our partners and our relationships through it.
email us, mypartnerhasadd[at]gmail[dot]com
Share your story. Thanks for listening.
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